


something real

by brunetteandblond



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: A short look at Shoni after everything, Canon Compliant, Domestic Fluff, F/F, One Shot, Post-Canon, Shoni - Freeform, Toni Thinks About How She Got So Lucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-27
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:08:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29015613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brunetteandblond/pseuds/brunetteandblond
Summary: “What’re you thinkin’ about?”Toni rolled her eyes playfully, put down the dog food she had poured, and turned around to face her partner, her lover, herwife.“It’s nothing important.”The woman smiled and shook her head. “All your thoughts are important to me, Toni.”“You’re a fuckin’ cheeseball.”- or -A look at Toni and Shelby's relationship after they escape the bunker.
Relationships: Martha Blackburn & Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 11
Kudos: 195





	something real

**Author's Note:**

> What's in italics is flashback!

It was one of the loudest streets in the city, but they might have been one of the few couples who loved that about their home. Quiet reminded them of a different time, one that would linger in their nightmares and flood their memories when they didn’t want it to. Their apartment was small and the floors creaked, but there was nothing about their place that they complained about. At least, not to other people. Sometimes, at night, when the traffic slowed down and their music was softly playing in the kitchen, they would talk about the cold shower and doorknobs that were shitty on a good day. There was something mundane and domestic about it that always startled Toni.

Even before the island and being treated like a lab rat, she figured she only had one possible future. One in which she was a failure. The kind of failure that everyone expects from a foster kid with anger problems. She always knew she would probably have a place to stay with Martha, but even she knew that she couldn’t expect her best friend to tolerate her for decades. Instead, she would have bet she would be bouncing from apartment to apartment, woman to woman, job to job. She would have never expected  _ this.  _

“You look like you’re in deep thought,” a woman whispered in her honey-sweet southern accent that was slowly fading as she wrapped her arms around Toni’s waist. “What’re you thinkin’ about?” 

Toni rolled her eyes playfully, put down the dog food she had poured, and turned around to face her partner, her lover, her  _ wife.  _ “It’s nothing important.” 

The woman smiled and shook her head. “All your thoughts are important to me, Toni.” 

“You’re a fuckin’ cheeseball.” 

She shrugged with almost a cocky glint in her eyes. “You’re the one who married the cheeseball. I think that says more about you than it does me.” She booped Toni’s nose, a common habit that started as a joke to annoy her, but she now found it endearing. 

Toni smirked, knowing it would drive her wife crazy. “Maybe so.” She stood up on her tiptoes and cupped Shelby’s cheeks. “Can you believe I fucking married the cheeseball?” 

Shelby sighed and drawled out for dramatic effect, “Heavens no, darlin’,” before she kissed her. 

Toni melted like she always did. She could almost taste the lychees on Shelby’s lips. She would have thought that sensation would have stopped by now, but she could always almost taste it. The island was like a ghost, always lingering between the two of them. It used to make Toni furious that they met during a period of such chaos, but she was learning to come to terms with how they met and found each other. Shelby always reminded her, though, that they were together  _ despite  _ all the shit that happened to them. Not because of it. 

Besides, they hadn’t stayed together after they escaped the bunker. Toni, in one of her greatest acts as a martyr, tried to decide for them that they shouldn’t be together. 

_ They didn’t have many moments alone. All they had were shared looks that lasted seconds between running and finding safety from the people who had held them captive. It was pure adrenaline that kept them going, that kept them together and fighting. Even when they were home, they could barely believe it. Comprehend it. A lot of people reunited with their families. Toni just had Martha and Martha’s mom. She never even considered the possibility of still having Shelby in her life. Not with the blonde back in her parents’ arms. Her parents, who were horrified by her short hair and sudden use of curse words.  _

_ Shelby tried to corner her by herself and say goodbye, but Toni pushed her to the side and said, “What happened on the island stays on the island, alright?” It was a fucked up thing to say, but Toni said what she knew would hurt. She always did. It was easier. At least, for a little while.  _

_ It was an emotional goodbye for all of them. They thought they all had to say goodbye, that it would be best to forget the last few months of their lives. They thought it would make everyone sane again. They thought it would make everything that happened to them just go away.  _

_ It didn’t.  _

Despite all of that, here they were. Years later. 

“Mmm,” Shelby moaned into her mouth before pulling away, her green eyes dazzling under the kitchen fluorescent lights. “Have I told you how happy I am that I have the weekend off? You know I love working with you and the kids, but it’s nice to just have…” 

“Time to ourselves?” Toni finished, knowing exactly what she was talking about. She and Shelby were running an LGBTQ+ youth center that they started from the ground up. Now, they actually had employees to help and plenty of funds to keep the center going. They could finally relax and take time for themselves. 

“What do you want to do with our time off?” 

“I feel like you want me to say something that involves getting dressed and going out, but I’m not feeling it.” 

“Toni Shalifoe,” Shelby stated in a pretend serious tone as she put her hands on her hips, “do you ever feel it?” 

She let out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, well, can you blame me for wanting to stay in with my hot and extremely sexy wife?” She ran her fingers through Shelby’s short blonde hair that flopped to one side and grinned cheekily. 

“Buttering me up won’t always work, you know. Besides, I know there’s a little girl and her mother who really wants to see you.” 

Toni sighed, knowing that her wife was right. She hadn’t seen her niece in a few weeks, now. It was strange not seeing Martha and her daughter for so long, but it was nothing compared to the time where she hadn’t talked to her best friend for years. 

_ She thought that since she was an adult now, she didn’t think that she could ‘fall in with the wrong crowd.’ She thought that phrase didn’t really exist for nineteen-year-olds who worked at a coffee shop and bar hopped at night. Martha was off in college and she was alone, but then again, that was her fault. When she found out her best friend was leaving, she told Martha she didn’t need her anyway and Martha left for good. She fought the loneliness with bad company (that ended up making her feel more lonely). It was a revolving door of friends with their own addictions or issues. Toni liked blending in with them and their trauma. She would never tell anyone about the island or Shelby, but she didn’t have to.  _

_ They weren’t Martha, though. They didn’t know when she was about to fall off the edge or go too far. They didn’t notice when she stopped talking and stopped eating and stopped sleeping. Even after she crashed into the tree, they were too busy to realize that she was broken.  _

_ But Martha was there at the hospital and held her hand when Toni admitted that she was fucked up.  _

_ “You’re not fucked up,” Martha told her with a kind smile.  _

_ “Yes, I am, Marty. The best thing I can do is fucking admit it now.”  _

_ Martha didn’t disagree with her. Instead, she offered help and comfort.  _

_ Martha was there when she went to her first therapy appointment. And Toni was there for her when Martha first admitted that she missed the others. (Toni had to admit, she missed them too.) _

“I hate it when you’re right.” 

Shelby smiled that beautiful smile of hers and pushed a lock of Toni’s hair behind her ear. “Of course you do. It must be difficult since I’m always right.” 

Toni playfully shoved her and pushed past her so that she could greet one of their three dogs, Yaz. Their apartment was barely big enough for the three rescues, but Toni always reassured her wife that there would always be room for them. It would always lead to Shelby telling her that she had a big heart, which Toni would vehemently deny. 

“Dude, don’t you get tired of being right all the time?” 

“Never.” 

Shelby gave her this look that Toni could only describe as magic. The smile made Toni feel whole and bright and special. Three things she hadn’t felt until she met Shelby. 

“So cocky.” 

She grinned at her. “Confidence is key, darlin’. Want to watch a show? I’ll let you pick this time.” 

Toni snorted as she headed to the living room. “So kind of you.” 

“I did get a chivalry award when I was in middle school.” 

“Of course you did.”

Shelby, though she was taller than Toni, sat on her wife’s lap. They had plenty of room on their couch, but they always ended up like this. Close. Tethered. As if there was nothing that could tear them apart. 

Resting her head on Shelby’s shoulder, Toni whispered, “I still can’t believe I’m actually happy.” 

Shelby chewed her cheek and looked at her wife with so much empathy and care that it was overflowing. For the longest while, Toni was unable to look at her when Shelby stared at her like that. Especially when they saw each other for the first time after the island and bunker. 

_ When they started to reach out to the others, Toni and Martha found out that they were not the only ones missing each other. All of them had just been too stubborn and too afraid to actually reach out to everyone. They heard from Dot and Fatin first, who were living together like they joked around on the island that they would.  _

_ The four of them met up and talked for hours. It was awkward at first until Fatin asked Martha if she found herself a Marcus. Martha told them that she had (though his name wasn’t actually Marcus). The four of them just talked about their lives and what had happened since they escaped the bunker. Toni enjoyed talking to them, but she couldn’t help feeling a little out of place. The others had been doing so well despite all the shit that happened to them and Toni felt inadequate. And then, of course, Fatin asked her if she talked to Shelby at all.  _

_ “No.”  _

_ Fatin looked at her all knowingly and shit. “Maybe you should reach out.”  _

_ Toni rolled her eyes and gave her the middle finger, but she really did think about it. And fuck, she wanted to reach out. The problem was, she didn’t want to bother her. She didn’t want to burden her with memories of the island or what they had. And besides, Toni was sure that Shelby didn’t have any of the residual feelings. Or, at the very least, she was sure that Shelby didn’t feel what she still felt. And Toni didn’t think she could deal with that.  _

_ So, she didn’t reach out.  _

_ Surprising Toni, Rachel was the next person to join the four of them with meetups. Her relationship with Nora was complicated as hell, but Rachel explained to them that despite everything, she was doing better. That she was still getting help, but that she had been healthier since the island. Things weren’t perfect, but Rachel was dealing.  _

_ Toni would never tell her, but she could see herself in Rachel fairly frequently. The anger. The isolation. The lesbianism. They hadn’t been that close on the island, but she found herself communicating with her more and more often. Rachel was honest with her. Sometimes brutally, but she liked that about her.  _

_ Leah was harder to contact. Fatin was the one who eventually got to her. Toni could sense there was something there between them, but she couldn’t exactly tell what it was. All she knew was that they owed a lot to Leah and that she didn’t know what to do with all the gratitude.  _

_ No one really talked about Shelby. Toni wondered if they had some secret pact to not talk about her in front of Toni, as if they all thought she’d break if she heard her name. She realized, though, that she must have been at least somewhat right, because at one of their meetings, when she entered, they all went silent. She was about to ask them what was wrong when she saw her.  _

_ She saw the blond buzzcut, the green eyes, the smile that would always make Toni’s heart race. Toni thought she might fall to the floor and faint dramatically, but instead, she just froze. Her throat was so dry she couldn’t say anything. And even if she could, she didn’t know what she would say. It had been years. Years since they talked, touched, kissed, fucked. For all she knew, Shelby was fucking over it.  _

_ But Shelby was looking at her the same way as she did before and Toni looked away. She didn’t know what would happen if she didn’t look away.  _

“You deserve it, Toni,” Shelby replied softly, kissing her hand. 

Toni laughed a little, though she was keenly aware that her wife was nowhere close to joking. “You know, I’m actually starting to believe it.” 

Toni could easily remember a time when she didn’t believe it and there were still days where she felt like she didn’t deserve Shelby or the life they had together. Still, she got through those days. Not just because she had Shelby at her side, but because she slowly started to believe in herself. She was healing. Not just from the trauma from the island, but the trauma  _ before  _ that. 

Shelby helped her become unafraid of her past and her future, but she put in the work. She was just glad that she had someone by her side who would help her through the darkest nights. The nightmares came, as they always did, but she had someone to hold onto. Someone who would whisper songs to her as she cried. 

When she saw Shelby for the first time after years, she didn’t think they would end up married in a cute apartment in the city with a bunch of dogs. If someone told her that day about what their future would hold, she would have told them it was a fucking fantasy. 

_ “Toni…” Shelby said her name and Toni wanted to crawl into the darkest of shadows. It brought back so many memories. Memories she knew that she shouldn’t hold on to.  _

_ Before she could say anything at all, Shelby ran up to her and wrapped her arms around her. Toni couldn’t breathe. Not when her senses were overloaded with Shelby. Even after years, her body recognized her. Completely.  _

_ “I missed you so much,” Shelby whispered into her ear, sending shivers down her spine. “I wanted to reach out to you every day.”  _

_ Toni’s heart ached at her words. “Why didn’t you?”  _

_ The blonde pulled away and stared at her, eyebrows furrowed. “I just thought… you didn’t want me to. You know. With how things… ended.”  _

_ She wanted to collapse onto the ground. She knew what Shelby was talking about. She thought she was giving Shelby the out that she wanted. She was so sure that Shelby wouldn’t actually want her in her normal life.  _

_ “I thought… I never thought… Shelby....” Tears flooded her eyes and she couldn’t stop them from falling. “I thought you wouldn’t have wanted me around after… everything.”  _

_ Shelby shook her head and wiped Toni’s tears off her cheeks. “Toni, you’re the one person I always want around.”  _

_ She didn’t think she heard her right. “What?”  _

_ “It’s been years, Toni, and you’re still the only person who I feel like I can be myself around. I mean, it’s not like I’m faking it now, but it’s not the same. You know?”  _

_ Toni nodded. She knew.  _

But it wasn’t a fantasy. It was real. But this life they made, it didn’t come immediately. 

When they found each other again, they had to learn all about each other again. For Toni, it was exhilarating. Every moment with Shelby felt special. Good. She learned all about Shelby’s life. Shelby’s strained relationship with her dad and complicated relationship with her mom, but her amazing relationship with her siblings. Shelby’s college experiences and the friends she met on the way. Shelby’s love for mentoring others. Shelby’s highs and lows. Shelby’s new found love for queer literature. 

And then Shelby asked Toni about her last couple of years and Toni told her. Not because she wanted to, but because she wanted to be honest. Because she wanted this to work between them and she wanted Shelby to know all of it. How she was dealing with her anger, with her taste of addiction, with the isolation she put herself through. 

And Shelby listened. She didn’t run. She held her hand and listened. 

The funny thing was, Toni didn’t feel like she was falling in love. She was already in love. Instead, she felt like she was coming home. 

She was home. With Shelby, she was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave a comment and let me know what you think! 
> 
> Also, if you're on twitter, I have an incorrect shoni quotes account, @in_shoni


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